We Are More Than Just Bodies

A photo popped up in my Facebook memories recently, and instead of cringing, closing the app, and moving on with my day, or having a total breakdown, I decided to try to give it some space and find some compassion for myself.

The photo was of me, standing on a stage being recognized for losing the equivalent of an average-sized adult in just over a year.

When I saw the photo, I felt this deep anger (which I later learned was grief) rise up in me. Tears welled up and spilled over onto my cheeks, my chest got tight, and my jaw began to quiver.

Seems like a strong reaction to a photo. But it wasn’t just a photo. (Is it ever really JUST a photo?)

Here’s the thing… My weight loss made everyone proud. My before & after photos were popping up everywhere. That’s what I was known for. [It felt like] that’s what I was loved for. And while I now know that’s not the truth, that was the story I’d made up in my head. And, unfortunately, the evidence confirmed that made-up story I was telling myself.

People told me I looked great and they’re so happy for me. They told me I glow. They told me I must feel incredible. I went to events with my Beachbody team and had people I’d never even met run up and hug me and ask to take a photo with me. I had people whisper, “Oh my gosh, I’m totally starstruck right now!”

They said I was an inspiration. Said I’m a role model. Said I’m the reason they started their own weight loss journey.

I didn’t have the heart to tell them I was a fraud. It wasn’t real.

I cringed when my story was told or my before & after photos were shown, because you know what I saw?

I saw the girl who sat on the kitchen floor, in tears because I was so weak, I couldn’t stand, and I was home alone and scared – yet I still couldn’t force myself to eat.

I saw the girl who couldn’t sleep because my bones ached.

I saw the girl who worked out X hours a day, through illness, injury and exhaustion, and still never felt like it was enough.

I saw the girl who was praised and congratulated for the way my body responded to the horrible things I did to it in secret.

See, when you have an eating disorder when you’re thin, you’re sick and need help.

But when you have an eating disorder when you’re fat, you’re an inspiration. You’re a success story.

Sounds nice, I know…success.

Except it’s sorta like being told, “Congratulations, you have cancer! But at least you lost a few pounds.”

So, can we stop congratulating weight loss yet?

Can we stop cheering on an eating disorder, or assuming someone “must feel incredible” because they’ve lost weight? Can we stop assuming all weight loss is healthy and all weight gain is unhealthy?

Next time you say, “You’ve lost weight, way to go!” you could be congratulating an eating disorder. You could be congratulating an autoimmune disorder. You could be congratulating cancer.

And I know you don’t mean to. I know you mean well. I know our society sees weight loss as the ultimate goal and victory, and we clap for it without giving it a second thought, because that’s just what we do.

But it can be so harmful, so problematic. And honestly, we just never know what’s going on in someone else’s head.

Even if they, themselves, boast about their weight loss, like I did. Because it wasn’t me boasting. It was Anorexia.

Here’s an idea: Can we just stop commenting on other people’s bodies altogether?

What if we find different things to comment on, besides bodies? What if we find some different ways to encourage each other? Things like…

• Your smile lights up the room!
• I love your passion.
• You’re so creative!
• You have really great ideas.
• You are so brave.
• Your confidence is inspiring!
• I love the way your mind works.
• I really enjoy spending time with you.
• Your laugh is infectious. (Okay, maybe skip this one…ya know, COVID.)
• Or LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE

Because, my friend, we are more than bodies. You are more than a body. Remember that. Remember, you light up the room. You are brilliant, kind, capable, worthy, and so loved.

You are more than a body. So, so much more.