The Year of Self-Compassion

2022.

What a year it’s been already. I know we’re only 6 days in, but still… (Ok, we’re 19 days in now, but we were 6 days in when I started this post, if that tells you anything about how my year is going. 🤷🏻‍♀️)

I’m exhausted, in every sense of the word —

and I don’t think I’m alone in that.

That’s why I’ve decided to do something that is, perhaps, a little bit crazy, and I want to invite you to join me on this journey.

Raise your hand if you have ever felt personally victimized by…yourself.

Or, actually, it’s probably more like this…

Hands raised, with more tiny hands raised. Creepy? Yes. Accurate? Also yes.

Anyway, back to my point…

I’m assuming you’re somewhere between 🙋🏾 and the creepy tiny hands.

It’s okay, me too.

But I’m working on decreasing the amount of time I spend in that “victimized by myself” place.

If you’re like most people, you’re probably pretty good at tearing yourself down, beating yourself up, being generally pretty terrible to yourself. You’re the first to rip yourself to shreds at the tiniest mistake, and you never give yourself the benefit of the doubt. You are your own worst critic, and you love finding new ways to belittle yourself.

Now, you’re either reading this right now, thinking, “Man, she’s got me pegged!”

OR, you’re reading this, thinking, “Nah, it’s not like that, it’s not THAT bad!”

Whichever category you fit into, I want you to stick with me for a few more minutes. I promise you’ll be glad you did.

This crazy thing I mentioned…

So, I suppose not actually crazy…just crazy in the sense that most days it feels counterproductive at best, sometimes even counterintuitive. But I’ve already started seeing a difference.

First things first: My word for 2022 is – you guessed it – self-compassion.

And while choosing a word for the year is a cute thing to do…it means nothing if you do nothing with it. It doesn’t help you at all if you don’t set intentions or make commitments or take actions towards those goals or allow that word to guide and inform your decisions. Without those things, it’s just a word and this is just another year.

Now that that’s out of the way…let’s talk about self-compassion. Sexy topic, eh? Not so much? I know. It’s never been my favorite topic, either. I’ve rolled my eyes at my therapist’s attempts to persuade me to give myself a break. I’ve shrugged as the concept of self-compassion has been relentlessly brought up to me in sessions. “Yeah, right!” I’ve laughed.

And yet, here I am…2022, with self-compassion as my word for the year, going public with my own self-compassion journey, and getting ready to pose a challenge to you. What is this world coming to?!

On to the crazy thing…

I’ve decided to do one kind, compassionate thing FOR MYSELF every day this year, and then journal about it. 365 days. (Minus a few, because I didn’t get the idea until a few days in. 💁🏻‍♀️)

Did you know you could do that?!? Like, did you know that’s allowed??? You’re allowed to do kind things for yourself FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

When I found this out, I made this to hang beside my chair in my room:

You really enjoy kiwis? BUY THEM! (I can’t, I’m allergic. I found this out because I casually mentioned to a friend that I love kiwis but I hate how they make your mouth burn, and my friend was like, “Uhhhh, they’re not supposed to make your mouth burn, sis.”)

You had a hard day at work? TAKE A BUBBLE BATH!

It’s Tuesday? PAINT YOUR NAILS!

Covid’s got you really missing normal life? ALLOW YOURSELF TO CRY!

Some of the kind, compassionate things I’ve done for myself so far include:

• Buying myself flowers
• Giving myself space to feel my feelings (aka cry 😭)
• Leaving the house when my depression wanted me to isolate, to go hang out with friends instead
• Logging off of my poetry class early when I felt too much pressure

Don’t let me paint this perfect, pretty little picture, though… Not every day has felt easy or natural.

I ended one day last week by throwing off my covers and grumbling under my breath, “Dammit, I forgot to do something nice for myself today. F*ck. Okay, what can I do? Ugh, I’ll fluff my effing pillows. But I’m NOT journaling about it until morning.”

I know buying flowers and fluffing pillows doesn’t seem like much. But I think it is. I think it is so, so much.

Because I wonder if each of these acts of kindness compounds to create this superpower-like thing inside of us…that is, self-compassion.

The way I see it, self-compassion is like a superpower in that it quiets that self-critical voice that is so quick to harshly judge and condemn us.

Self-compassion sounds like, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m doing the best I can. Take a breath. It’s going to be okay.”

It also sounds like, “I didn’t make it this time. That’s okay, I’ll try again next time.”

It can even sound like, “I missed the mark on that one. It’s okay to make mistakes.”

I’m imagining what I may feel like after 3 months of self-compassion. What about 6 months? A whole year?

It may seem self-indulgent and selfish, but go here with me… Each act of kindness toward ourselves is an act of defiance toward self-criticism, or, what I like to call my Inner Bitch 💁🏻‍♀️

So here’s where you come in.

I want to invite you to join me in carrying out acts of kindness and compassion for yourself over this next year.

Imagine the change that might take place…a YEAR of self-compassion. Imagine how much more peaceful you might feel. Imagine the grace you might find, the hope you might find, the good you might find, in yourself, in others, in the world around you.

I wonder if it might be worth a shot?

Not up for a year? Give it a month. Give it a week. Give it a shot.

Find your self-compassion superpower.

If you’re joining me on this journey, let me see who you are below! Drop a 🙋🏻‍♀️ or a 🖐🏽 (since there’s no tiny hands emoji 😂).