Do It Scared

I’m scared a lot. Of everything…and of nothing. I used to be embarrassed about that, but I’ve just accepted that right now, that’s just the way I am. Scared. Maybe I won’t always be that way…but right now, I am. Scared.

I’m scared of bad people and scared of the dark and scared of loud noises and scared of failure and scared of the dentist and scared of bad weather and scared of car accidents and scared of losing people I love and scared of the end of the world. (The last two are the same thing.)

Yet in all my scared, I think I see at least a remnant of my brave. Perhaps a scrap of courage. A hint of boldness.

My favorite poet, Andrea Gibson, says “bravery can never be measured by a lack of fear.”

I hope to God that’s true.

My motto lately has been “Do It Scared.”

One of my favorite quotes by Morgan Harper Nichols says, “You don’t have to be fearless. Doing it afraid is just as brave.”

So, whenever I need to do something I’m afraid of, I take a deep breath and tell myself, “Do it scared.”

I decided to hang this reminder in my car, because that is the place I often feel most afraid…and also where I spend a good deal of time these days.

For one who spends a solid 12+ hours in her car each week, you might assume I felt a little more comfortable behind the wheel. It’s not uncommon, however, for me to have thoughts like, “Get me OUT of this car NOW!” and “Whose idea was it to let me drive this 3 thousand-pound machine at 70 mph in the middle of all these other giant machines going 70 mph?!? We’re all going to die!!!” as I’m switching lanes on the highway.

Like I said earlier…I’m scared a lot.

And in that moment – that panicked, worried, terrified moment – I remind myself: Do it scared.

When I have to make a phone call that scares me… Do it scared.

When I have to go to the doctor… Do it scared.

When I have to try something new… Do it scared.

Pema Chödrön said when she asked her husband why he said she was one of the bravest people he knew, he replied, “Because you were a complete coward but went ahead and did things anyhow.”

When I was young, the other kids used to call me Mary Coward. I’m not sure if it was because I was scared of everything, or just because it rhymed with my last name. I like to think it was just because it rhymed…I don’t think the other kids were smart enough to know what coward meant.

I started this post by admitting to you that I am scared a lot. Perhaps that makes me a coward. But maybe by doing things anyway, I’m strengthening my courage, building my brave.

I might be scared a lot, but nobody ever said I had to be fearless in order to be brave.