Are You Thinking Of Killing Yourself?

I admittedly do not talk about the “suicide” part of SugarSexAndSuicide.com as often as I could/should. (Okay, I literally never talk about it. But that’s going to change. Because it’s important. It’s awkward and hard and uncomfortable…but it’s important.)

A friend posted an image recently, and it caught my attention. It said: “Are you thinking of killing yourself? Parents, teachers & mentors: Your students need you to know how to ask this question.”

And then today, I had an honest conversation with my mom and my therapist (yay for family sessions😅 ) about this topic. (I know, it sounds so fun.)

But it made me think…

Do you know how to ask this question? Do you know how to ask this question more than once, if necessary? I don’t know about you, but these feel like really big words to speak.

But do you know the significance of this simple, yet direct question?

I had a teacher ask me this exact question during my freshman year of high school. At the time, I was navigating the impending loss of my dad (he had recently been given 6 months to live), my eating disorder, depression and self-harm, on top of normal high school worries.

When she asked the question, I sat in silence, tears welling up and spilling down my cheeks.

I thought I was invisible. I thought no one could see my pain.

When I finally gathered up the courage to speak, my barely audible voice said, “No, I’m not. But I feel so alone.”

I don’t remember the rest of the conversation, but I do remember the overwhelming feeling of being seen. The feeling of having an ally.

From that moment on, I knew there was someone in my school that was in my corner. I knew there was someone who didn’t just care about my grades or the effort I was putting forth in class (or blatant lack thereof). I knew there was someone there who cared about me – first as a person, then as a student.

She asked me this question on multiple occasions. Once, because another student expressed concern. Once, because she noticed some warning signs. Other times, I’m not sure what prompted the question.

It felt awkward and intrusive at the time. I didn’t like it. And looking back, I’m quite sure it took a lot of courage on her part, too.

But GAH, I’m glad she knew how to ask that question. Because though I told her no every time she asked, my true answer was at least a shaky “maybe” more times than not. But feeling seen and knowing I was not alone made more of a difference than I could have ever imagined.

So, coming back to this post a friend made recently…

If you are a parent, teacher, coach, mentor or work with kids or teens (or humans in general, really) in any capacity…they need you to know how to ask this question.

Even if it feels heavy. Even if it feels awkward. Even if it feels intrusive. Even if you’re unsure. Even if the words don’t sound right coming out.

Know the warning signs, and have the courage to ask the hard questions. They are depending on you.

If you need support, or want to learn more about this topic and how you can offer support to someone, here are some great resources:

>> https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
>> https://afsp.org/get-help
>> Text TALK to 741741
>> Call 800-273-8255