The “Problem” Kid

I had a heart-to-heart with a sweet and struggling student this week.

I’ve been intentionally working to build trust with him over the last couple of weeks. He’s been on my heart daily. He’s “one of those kids.” You know, the troublemaker, the always off-task, the low-performing, the disengaged, the “problem” child.

Those kids are always my favorite. 💛

He’s been on my radar for a bit, and I’m finally getting the chance to connect with him. And I mean really connect, at a heart level.

And I think the thing that has been most effective in building his trust and giving him space to open up has been opening up about my own journey.

Last week I sat in the hallway with him and another teacher, listening as he shared some horrific things that have happened in his life, and how alone and unwanted he feels.

My heart broke, and I couldn’t hold back the tears.

I took a moment, and then I said, “I am so sorry you have to carry all of this. You’re a kid, and it’s not fair. This isn’t yours to carry. And I want you to know, you are NOT alone. There are so many people in this school who are in your corner. You have two people sitting right in front of you right now who are in your corner. We are here for you and we love you.”

He wasn’t the least bit convinced, and his anger at the world was seeping out of him.

I took a deep breath and with tears in my eyes, said, “I know what it’s like to come to school and not be able to focus because you’re worried about the things happening outside of school. I know how it feels to feel completely alone, to feel like you have to carry all of your ‘stuff’ by yourself. You can’t know how it feels unless you’ve been there…so believe me when I say, I know. I wish one of my teachers had sat down with me in this very hallway and said, ‘Mary, you aren’t alone. You don’t have to carry this alone.’”

His hardened heart softened the tiniest bit in that moment. I felt it open ever so slightly.

This week I was called down to his classroom. He’d had an incident in class and his teacher asked me to talk to him and see if I could figure it out.

I said, “Come on, friend. Let’s go for a walk.”

We went outside, walked around for a few minutes, then found ourselves a bench.

We talked about the incident for maybe 45 seconds…and then for the next 25 minutes, he talked. He told me his story. He told me his history, his fears, his nightmares, his demons, his hopes, his dreams, how he gets through life.

I asked questions along the way, but he did the talking. He had tears streaming down his face nearly the entire time.

I thanked him for trusting me. Thanked him for letting me in. Thanked him for letting me walk next to him in his journey.

We’re going to start having breakfast together on Mondays. Just a chance to check in, catch up from the weekend, and get his (and my) morning started on a positive note. A safe place to exist.

I’m currently in the depths of depression, desperately trying to claw and climb and fight my way out. I spend a lot of time alone, in bed. I spend a lot of time sitting with the boulder on my chest. I spend a lot of time searching – mostly in vain – for hope.

But this student gives me hope.

This student has HOPE written all 👏🏻 over 👏🏻 him 👏🏻

Every time I see this student, I tell him “I BELIEVE IN YOU. YOU ARE CAPABLE. YOU ARE WANTED. YOU ARE LOVED.”

He often rolls his eyes at that. And I tell him, “I’m going to keep saying those things until you believe it.”

But saying those things isn’t enough. SHOWING him is the key.

And I think maybe by showing him I believe in him, showing him he’s capable, showing him he’s wanted and loved…I can show myself that, too.

Maybe by showing this young student that these things are 100% irrevocably, undeniably true…young Mary will start to believe it, too.